


Cars And Girls

by H2iK37



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-14 20:19:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14776586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H2iK37/pseuds/H2iK37
Summary: This is how John could have ended up being dressed up in a shark costume for charity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> But look at us now, quit driving,  
> Some things hurt more much more than  
> Cars and Girls  
> Just look at us now, start counting,  
> What adds up the way it did when  
> We were younger look at us now, quit driving,  
> Some things hurt more much more than  
> Cars and Girls 
> 
> Life's a drive through a dust bowl, whats it do,do to a young soul  
> We are deeply concerned, someone stops for directions  
> Something responds deep in our engines, we have all been burned  
> Will heaven wait all heavenly over the next horizon. 
> 
> Words and music : Prefab Sprout

John looked in the rear view mirror, giving the inanimate " Hammerhead shark costume crammed onto the back seat the evil eye " and giving it a two fingered salute? Remembering that fateful morning after the night before, and how he ended up being stuck on the nightshift for nearly half a year. Because of bloody rumours going round the store, about him and kayleigh. And because dave thompson ballsed up the holiday rota, he panicked when he needed cover for gary at the last minute. 

"Your it he said" it'll give you time too think, the last words that he heard ringing in his ears as he headed for the staff entrance, then seeing kayleigh with tears in her eyes. It felt worse than being kicked in the balls by his brother paul when he was young playing some kind of kung-fu game off the tv, only twenty times worse, looking at the dashboard clock reading 21.20 with forever fm playing in the background, already missing kayleigh sitting next to him. 

As he parked in his usual spot, the car park earily deserted apart from a few staff members car's the yellow street lights casting long shadows on the ground. John slowly walked towards the staff entrance,"Bloody hell" john was saying as elsie crept from the smokers shelter, trying too give me a, fcking heart attack nobody tell you hallowe'en isn't for another few months? 

: Dave Thompson put me on nights from now on. 

: Is that right, spying on me more like. 

: No. 

: Yeah, whatever ever you say elsie? Who were you fighting with this time. 

: Honestly, Mr Redmond it wasn't my fault but that Bitch Rachel had a go at kayleigh in the locker rooms this morning. 

: Why... What about? 

: Saying that if she doesn't want you someone else does. 

: I ended up punching the Bitch. 

: So that's why you're tormenting me. 

John turned round leaving elsie In his wake, heading through the staff entrance. Clocking in and headed up the stairs, past the big conference room towards the nightshift managers office, stopping suddenly and doing a double take, trying too stop himself from saying "Kayleigh" what are you doing here, the woman facing him could have been her identical twin. 

Except no hair extensions, and her eyes were a different colour, as she said hello John my names. Dawn he heard her softly spoken scottish accent, saying that dave thompson left me paper work letting me know to expect you, did he now John was saying after completing the paper work his lord and master had left for him, and after some small talk. Including asking where in. Scotland she came from, dawn telling him.Tayport, they headed to the staff canteen where the staff had gathered for the team meeting, discussing missed targets from the previous night. 

The rest of the shift passed without any incidents, except he couldn't concentrate as every time he looked across the room, seeing the new assistant nightshift manager who was a dead ringer of the love of his life. If only he had grown a pair and told. Kayleigh yes l love you too, only he hadn't and was thinking to himself someone is taking the piss, he was slowly playing with his new name tag, with the name. John Redmond nightshift manager. 

His phone gave a notification sound and he looked at the, text message from. Dave, John don't forget Christmas team meeting at 11.30 am, dawn was startled when John started to lose his temper, saying when do you expect me too get any sleep knobhead. 

As he headed for the staff entrance at the end of the shift mentioning to elsie, about the time of the Christmas team meeting. All elsie said to him, frack that I've just got new double, 'A' batteries for my rabbit! "Your what John was asking" I'm saying nothing as she walked away laughing. 

: Forever fm ad's. 

: Pssst looking for a handjob, then bring your car to the 'Carwash' the best handjobs Guaranteed all natural lubricants. 

"Thats just pure porn!" John was saying to himself. 

As he drove into work and parked in his usual spot hopefully looking for kayleigh, he got out of the car and walked in the staff entrance, and headed up to the big conference room. Ahhh good you made it then how was your first night, asked dave thompson. Take a guess, absolutely knackered, can we just get on with this, I'm "missing home's under the hammer". Are you being sarcastic,? John asked dave no he answered back would I do that! Dave Thompson started the meeting by announcing that he had come up with an idea for a sponsored shave, you could hear the collective groan from all the guys in the room. 

John rolled his eyes, and gave a sarcastic thumbs-up. Kayleigh watching from the other side of the table looking at john and trying not too laugh, he was thinking to himself, the last time he tried growing a moustache my brother paul took the piss asking if something had died under my top lip, even Jim told me that I looked like a seventies porn star. Near the end of the meeting dave, mentioned that there would be a vacancy for. Head of promotions as sharlene was transferring to the new. Edinburgh store, with her fiancé john and if anyone was interested too see kath hilton, kayleigh had made her mind up she was going too apply. 

Later on that night as, john and dawn did there walk-through the store in their hi-vis vests making sure that the staff weren't skiving, or shagging in the toilets, heading back to the office he had a look at the sponsored shave list. Dave Thompson had posted on the notice board outside the staff canteen, seeing king of the hill had put his name first. 

: Dave Thompson. 

Someone had written underneath. Dixie Normous. 

John burst out laughing at this thinking not if you've stood next to him in the gents. 

A,week later john was in a good mood, thinking to himself thank "God", this is the last week of nightshift, until. Dawn asked him if he had heard what had happened to gary on his caribbean cruise no, john said what happened first of all, he came down with the norovirus the ship was quarantined. Then at the end of the cruise, he slipped and fell down the stairs, breaking both ankles and his wrist, he'll be off for months. 

"Just fcking great"why does it always rain on me is it because I lied when I was seventeen, john was thinking to himself, he slowly walked back to the office where. Dawn was, sitting behind her desk listening to. Forever fm, ' love songs now and forever ', he sat down behind his desk and tried to concentrate on his work and failed miserably as every time he looked at dawn, he was thinking about what he'd like too do to. Kayleigh given half the chance and how he'd bring her up to this empty office. Or better still, the big conference room, and ride her like he stole her with it's reclining sofas, just lock the door behind them, pull the blinds down. 

John had too excuse himself, he headed down and walked through the warehouse, and out of the open loading bay doors at the end, just to stand in the cold night air and cool his ardour as it was getting the better of him. 

Then the "voice of god, came over the tannoy system. John Redmond too transport office".... john redmond too transport office. As he headed back through the warehouse, he stopped to eavesdrop, on two pickers who were obviously skiving. 

: Did you hear about. "Dave the rave Thompson." 

: No what about him. 

: He's, shagging that blonde bird. Rachel? 

: No wonder there's an out of order sign on the. Disabled bog. 

: That's cause their in there, at the break and he's shagging his way up the ladders, in her stockings 

: I heard, she's in his office as well. Playing at, checkout assistant and customer, he's asking her to scan his nuts. 

: She's joined the Friday club now. 

: The Friday club. 

: She phones in sick, he pretends to be a caring boss. Goes round to hers, they go up stairs and shag on her waterbed. 

: She's got a waterbed? 

: My sister who works in admin, overhead him saying that he was in the navy cadets. 

: He likes the motion of the ocean. 

: What's that. 

: He likes fcking close to water. 

All three of them burst out laughing at the same time, john walked away rolling his eyes and thinking. He told me, he was on a y.t.s scheme and worked his way up the ladder, more likely shagging his way up it. 

John, was standing outside the.Transport office looking at, the large wooden crate in front of him asking what's that. Keiran looked at john and said it's something for what's his name! 

Fine, just get a forklift driver too stick it in a spare bay. I'll leave the delivery note on, dave thompson's desk for him to deal with in the morning. 

'come on, I could effing walk quicker ' as john looked again in the rear view mirror, convinced that the, shark costume was eyeballing him. Just then a transit van with three builder's pulled up along side. The guy in the passenger seat wound down his window, and said your going too need a bigger boat! John gave him a fake smile and a thumbs-up, like he'd never heard that before. 

: Forever fm playing on the radio. 

Welcome to this bright and sunny. Friday morning, why don't you join us at our outdoor broadcast in the retail Park at 10 am, this morning. 

John, pulled into his usual parking spot and struggled to pull the, shark costume out of the car. Hoping no one spotted him, dragging it behind him into the, male lockerooms just glad he had worn his. Compendium tee shirt, joggie bottoms and trainer's. 

As john emerged through the staff entrance in the hammerhead shark costume and groaned to himself, when he saw kayleigh, rachel, joyce and diane, standing at the ice cream van with, 99 cones in their hands especially as. Dave Thompson had them dressed up as sexy mermaids, and when he saw what kayleigh was doing to the flake? 

What freaked him out was when he looked at the. Foreverfm, stage and spotting. 12 foot high photographs of himself in a. Hawaiian shirt,shorts and sandals holding a tequila sunrise mocktail with the words. Banana Republic's Cruise Winner, in bold letters! 

As all the staff not on shift and crowds gathered too watch the festivities, there was a few Wolf whistles as. Ted2, Steve from freezers and stinkray appeared in budgie smugglers, tee shirts and trainer's, some of the female staff asking, ray if his budgie had escaped. 

While, john was being wheeled around the carpark in the rubber dinghy by budgie smugglers inc. He spotted, Steve filming the whole thing on his mobile thinking all I need. Sophia coppala, this will be up on. YOUTUBE, before the end of today.


	2. Life Of Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Is The Greatest Continuation Of Cars And Girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darling it's a life of surprises  
> It's no help growing older or wiser  
> You don't have to pretend you're not crying  
> When it's even in the way you're walking  
> -Baby talking.

"John" sat in the nightshift managers office, staring at the computer screen watching the youtube video of the. Charity event of a couple of weeks ago that, steve had posted watching kayleigh dressed as a sexy mermaid! For what had seemed like the five hundredth time, and how he ended up pulling up the guy's from the warehouse for wolf whistling at the love of his life, getting them in his office and tearing strips off them. 

"If Only.... If only", his new favourite word. The word playing in his head on a constant loop not giving him a minutes peace, even though he was now on nightshift, his conscience and voice waking him up at,13:21! and not 1:21, someone's taking the effin piss here. Dawn walked into the office saying have you seen the mess those shop fitters are making down there, no john answered back, who's great idea was it to have a. Christmas market? 

That's a good idea who's was it again! That voice in his head accusing him. John knew exactly it was his and kayleigh's, when the whole christmas thing was in danger of being cancelled, after dave thompson was caught swinging with his dick out in the big conference room. Having an orgy with rachel and roisin, by kath hilton, the shit really hit the fan when alan campbell, had called him over too head office reading him the riot act! 

And he was glad to be back on dayshift after nearly six months even if it was newyear's. 

: Forever fm ad's. 

"Always the last to know"? 

Screwyou, Screwme the divorce specialist's. 

Coming This Newyear's Eve On BBC One. Reel Ceilidh!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All genuine comments welcome.


End file.
